What Pride Means To Me

I have a complicated history with Pride, but I would imagine it reads much like that of any person raised in a strict, legalistic religious environment who then comes out later in life. Obviously I’ve always known I was transgender, but as anyone who has read my story already knows, I fought for decades to repress that fact. This led to a deeply rooted internalized homophobia and transphobia. As a result, for years Pride represented that which I hated most about myself. This manifested itself in condemnations of “debauchery”, “perversion”, and countless other grotesque insults of the LGBTQ community. One night in college, it took me to the brink of doing something monstrously evil (you’ll read about that in the much-needed upcoming book from Bridget Eileen Rivera titled Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church…Pre-order now!). Pride was just a constant reminder that I’d never be free to be myself, so I tried to numb that pain by embracing self-hatred. It didn’t work.

Then something happened. Something that broke me free of that self-imposed prison of hatred. I truly embraced being a daughter of God, which culminated in coming out and transitioning. It was around this time that I started seeing the beauty of Pride. Before I get into that, I wanted to discuss something I hear often from the more conservative elements of Christianity…that is the common retort of “but pride is a sin”. I have a couple points on that. First, the Venn diagram of those who respond to Pride with “but pride is a sin” and those who proudly boast that they’re “proud to be American” is pretty much a single circle. So there’s some inherent hypocrisy in this critique of Pride to start with. Second, as Bridget Eileen Rivera points out, there are actually two types of pride in the Bible, and one of them is a positive (Is 60:15; 2 Chr 17:6, 2 Thes 1:4). This Pride is not a haughty pride. This is not a pride that places oneself above others. This is a pride in the beautiful diversity of God’s creation. Celebrating His wonderful works is an act of worship of our Creator. When I look at the stars at night, or see pictures of deep space, I am in awe of His creative work. Why should that not extend to a pride that we can bear that same beauty…that we can bear the image of God?

Going beyond that, though, Pride is about perseverance. It’s about telling the world “This is me! I am here, and I won’t be marginalized!” It’s about liberation from oppression (another biblical concept). For far too long, LGBTQIA+ people have been shoved into the darkest corners of society. Those who came before me were beaten, arrested, imprisoned, and far too often killed simply for being who they were created to be. Then 52 years ago, a group of people at the Stonewall Inn said “enough!” and they pushed back. This is when Pride was birthed. This is a fight for, and celebration of, liberation and freedom. I can go to work, shopping, out to eat, etc as myself without incident because of what took place 52 years ago. Sure some may stare, and I still don’t feel safe at night alone. There are still far too many people targeted for assault and/or murder simply for being LGBTQIA+, especially when it comes to trans women of color. There is still a fight to be fought, but with every Pride celebration, and with every successive generation of young people who grow up in affirming environments, we gain more and more ground. We get closer to being free.

Finally, to me, Pride is about community. We were created to be communal beings, which is why I find the notion of American individualism to be so repugnant and unnatural. If anything, the last 15 months of a global pandemic full of lockdowns, masks, and social distancing have shown us just how important community is to the human race. We crave it…even my introverted wife. Our mental state can have a tendency to deteriorate without it. Pride provides that community, and more importantly, it provides that community to people who have long felt isolated due to ostracism and widespread bigotry. I know when our family goes to Pride, we will find a community that is truly embracing of our unique LGBTQIA+ family regardless of where each of us fall on the spectrum. Why? Because at Pride, we aren’t so unique. We find people like us. We find common ground with people we’ve never met, whether they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, intersex, Christian, atheist, pagan, happy, hurting, broken, healing, celibate, sex-positive, curious, or allies who simply want to stand in solidarity with us. That beautiful, eclectic, and weird (saying that as a positive) community is such a wondrous thing to behold. It energizes. It’s safe.

That’s what Pride means to me. Yes, there are frustrating aspects…mostly the corporate virtue signaling that isn’t followed up with action. The companies who want our dollars, but don’t want to build truly inclusive environments in their workplaces. But when you strip away that corporate veneer, you begin to see the true beauty of Pride. That’s when you find a community where all are welcomed with love, and where hate (looking at you Westboro Baptist types) prompts displays of love in return. So, if you’ve never been to a Pride celebration, I strongly encourage you to go. Sure you may see things that make you feel uncomfortable, but you’ll also find an absolutely beautiful community longing to just be free.